Finally Coming Up For Air

I'm beginning to grasp the intricate machinations of this new job. There are still many parts for me to learn; the outline of the job is locked into memory & now becoming second nature. This lesson absolutely threw me up against the wall for 2 solid months & I finally got to the point I needed help so went to the Dr to help me with the stress, anxiety & sleepless nights. I tried more exercise & was eating healthfully however it was not enough for me. I also found I was so fried I could only sleep for 4 hours at a time. Thus I went for help & received the information & medication needed. The lesson for me is to always listen to my body & follow it's lead.

In the Deep End & Can't Swim

Learning a new job while training someone else is trial by fire. I am a lousy teacher because I need to do what I'm teaching first; then have the student do it. Because I'm used to doing the job it's a lot like looking into a mirror & trying to cut the the back of my hair everything feels reversed & the harder I try the more disoriented I become. I'm sure if I taught more often it wouldn't seem so difficult.
The job I'm learning is a roller coaster & as soon as I start feeling I'm getting a handle on it; the rug gets pulled out from under me. The PC application is also not working properly adding to the stress, this makes me so appreciate things that Work. I also find I can only learn so much at a given time & the 10th hour isn't a good time to address a new part of the job.I realize the more I do it it will be easier, until then I will continue to BREATHE & run the stairs to decompress & cry if I need to release more built up toxic energy. Of course there is a reason why this timing of the perfect storm is happening now. I'm just too close to see why right now. Working 11 hour days are certainly taking their toll even on 8 hours of sleep. Hopefully the new job will start to filter in & start to gel :). I know I can do this! Patience with self is a big lesson for me. I just keep telling myself "I Love You Kerry"

In Memory of Tweety

Tweety Passed at 5:15pm Tuesday evening. Her behavior as of late was strange wanting to sleep in her food container. She was doglike as she would almost lie down so I could pet her. She loved learning new tricks like climbing her ladder & going into her fleece tent. She was a good & patient friend. I miss her already.

New Job & Overtime

Last week was filled with overwhelm, exhaustion & finally sanity. The week began with learning the new Job from the end of the job. Working in Finance I understand month end entries so everything balances & is in on time so as to tie up the month in a neat little Bow. The confusion is in learning a job this is the worst place to Start. Would you start a ride at the end & track back or walk into a movie at the climactic end & wait for the next run to start.
The new job learning curve is very high for me as I know some about Excel but not enough to create very in depth formulaic spreadsheets. Treading water, over my head definitely. The kicker came when I was told I wouldn't be taking over this job until the first of the year. Well I don't know about others but I retain very little if I don't use the knowledge. I was also working 14 hour days to insure the bills went out on time. They are giving a two people job to one person & granted that is happening all over it is still very daunting.
Bright spot came when I was talking to a couple of co-workers about my retention skills when not used. I off the cuff pointed toward the 2nd level Manager's desk & said "You want to change your mind"(relaxed focus can be stronger than emotionally charged focus) within 15-30 minutes the Manager spoke to the trainer & asked her to please come back January 5th for 2 more weeks of training. This is the way it should have always been & would have saved hundreds on air travel, food & lodging. This time of year clear thinking can take a back seat to the emotionally charged Holidays & all the cutbacks has added to the stress of all concerned. My department alone was cut in half; we were lucky people were asked to retire first & if not enough people left then a surplus would be announced.

Obama's First Law Known As 'Google For Government'

I never knew this existed until today; Heck I never thought it was my right to know; I always thought if I voted on an issue it be carried out. Well time to have my finger on the pulse of where the money is going & is it really going there beneficially.
I checked out Google Government & wrote My Senators & Congressman asking for transparency of where the taxpayers money is going on all levels of government & wanting it easily accessible to "We the People" through the internet.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Website Shows Where Federal Tax Dollars Go
(CBS) CHICAGO Some A-list celebrities now say U.S. Sen. Barack Obama is their presidential pick for 2008. Oprah Winfrey and Halle Berry have gone public urging him to run.
Tuesday was a big day for the junior senator from Illinois. For the first time, a bill he sponsored became law.
CBS 2 Political Editor Mike Flannery reports the fruits of Obama's legal labor will be found on the Internet.
The new law provides Americans with a new website, what Obama calls a "Google for government." Eventually, anyone will be able to type in a few key words and learn details of where federal tax dollars go, and perhaps whether those trillions are being spent wisely or foolishly.
While he was the last legislator President George W. Bush saluted, it was still a big day for a freshman who's joked about how tough it is when you're almost dead last in seniority.
"I finally got a bill passed," Obama said.
It's a good-government measure designed to give journalists and average citizens access to budget secrets Washington insiders now try to hide, like that notorious "earmark" done late at night authorizing hundreds of millions of dollars for a bridge to a virtually uninhabited island up in Alaska, the so-called Bridge to Nowhere.
"All of us have an interest in making sure that our tax money is spent wisely. If it's going to bridges to nowhere in Alaska, if it's going to some fat cat contractor who has a relationship with a legislator, that's money that could've gone to teacher salaries," Obama said.
Obama cited the new law as proof that, even though he is sometimes criticized by fellow Democrats for cooperating with Senate majority Republicans, the effort is worth it.
"It will shine the light. The famous saying that sunshine is the best disinfectant. This will apply some sunshine on the budgeting process. It's just one step. We've got to take more steps to control how we spend money here and make sure it's spent wisely," Obama said.

Trial By Fire

Today was very challenging. All week long I was unable to do my daily reports. The lesson : Going with the flow. I was fine until the day the toner was to arrive passed & the person ordering was being less than forthright. I have a problem with people withholding knowledge knowing updates will assuage others' stress. I was also working on getting new PC systems up & running so they will be ready when Training Day starts Dec 1st. Add to this mix, next week is a short week so I was feeling the Crush "Am I going to get this Done". I went to speak to 2 close friends & warm & fuzzy feelings were not available. They were right up my Holiday alley of Family of origin. I'm lucky I realized what was happening; so I started to re parent myself with positive sentences i.e. "I love you Kerry" & "You're a good girl" in a "mantra-like repetition" One friend came to see me & apologized. I really appreciated the heartfelt gesture. The Inner Child still feels the anger/fear based energy, as it went to my Core. I walked my 40 minute home stretch & turned it into a Physical meditation repeating the positive thoughts over & over again while the walking helped integrate the healing mental & emotional thoughts into my body.
My Body always picks up change in my life before my mind. I believe it's because the body locks in the memories of all emotional feelings & senses what's coming up before the Logical brain can decipher what the feeling is. I felt this yesterday on my walk to the bus I was unable to pinpoint the hit exactly; however I usually know it is going to be emotional.
Okay I'm really tired & it's time to take really good care of Me.
Plan: a nice long Hot shower & to bed early.

Time to Integrate

Life never ceases to amaze me all I can say is Thank You! I am being motivated to start walking again & it's easy. I have always been really active & after I was diagnosed with osteopenia (cracked a rib doing a simple sit-up) I was freaked I could crack something else. I have been on a prescription now for 2 1/2 years & started doing strength training again in February of this year 4 days a week & was walking 20 min in the morning to catch the bus & 20min home but I'm still losing muscle tone & gaining weight Bummer. So I have decided to get off the bus & extend my walk home from 20 min. to 30 - 45 min. I started yesterday & this should be easy as I used to walk home from work when I lived closer, so I will see how much it blends my mind, body & spirit.

A New Job Has Arrived

With the downsizing I am happy to say all who wanted the Buy Out got it & none from my Department needed to be surplussed.
Yesterday I was offered a new job, same pay & will have even more contact with people in the job I want. I was also told by a friend if I was interested in Management a different tack would be Process Analyst. My plan is remaining on track; guide me to the best job for my highest good & the highest good of all concerned. I have my trust setbacks & will self doubt when things don't happen quickly enough, which fits perfectly in tandem with my being more patient with me. Thanks to a terrific support team continually holding my Truth to my face. Stepping back, breathing & trusting my Inner Guidance is pulling me through slowly & surely.
Timing does not mean in my scheme of how my life should unfold but what is best for all concerned.

President Elect Obama

I have never been more excited about a new President than I am today. I believe President Elect Obama can really start to turn this country around, partially because he is including "We the People" to do our part. Sure it is going to take time and he is smart enough to preface that. Pouring through the United States brightest minds (You are only as good as the people you surround yourself ) to help him make the best decisions for the Country. What a refreshing change after 8 years of a Dictatorship creating devastation on so many levels. George W Bush is not a bad man he just let his inner petulant teenager take over and didn't want to listen to anyone, the Presidency was his job & "He" wanted to do it by himself right or wrong. Change happens when a problem hits critical mass and we are pushed to try a different approach. Thus Mr Obama is our new President Elect. The cherry on top for me, he wasn't the lesser of two evils, he was the best choice.
I love researching history and I am now checking out what each Cabinet Member does & will google each person chosen, for credentials background etc ...
Good thoughts for our new President to do the best of his ability & to keep him safe.

Businesses are Downsizing Including Mine

So many businesses are downsizing these days mine included 10-15% across the board Managers & Occupationals.
I have been clearing & protecting regularly. I'm guided to the protection of a Golden Tornado surrounding me keeping all negativity outside the boundary of 5 feet.

Downsizing in my Department has not effected me as someone was ready to Retire. The grapevine is buzzing this will happen next year also.
I will continue my schedule until shown a different direction.